I feel like I'm not using modern technology and other privileges that are available to me today to it's full potential. I think that nobody is even able to. I mean, I'm sitting here on a bench in the fields writing a blog entry and uploading it to "my" web server via SSH, listening to an independent web radio over the internet in-between browsing the web (that really is almost world-wide) for any information that interests me at that moment, with a "phone" capable of so much more than I would have thought 20 years ago even desktop computer should be able to do. But still, so much would be possible with today's technology (mainly the internet and small, battery powered devices). Humanity, what are you doing, wasting your own inventions? steeph, what are you doing wasting your time and resources on listening to some random person talking about something just because it fulfils your momentary desire for information about that topic while typing this sentence?
1. Github or other public Git repositories: Wouldn't be complete
Haven't published everything always, don't want to publish everything, would want to include everything but couldn't. So using public Git repositories would always be accompanied by a feeling of imperfection.
2. I've never used Git for anything really.
Apart from cloning and occasionally updating others' repositories I've never used them. I'm not used to using Git and I don't struggle with not using it. So starting to do so now would require me to hurdle quite some hurdle. I never used it. Why would I start now?
3. It's too late to start now.
I've noticed that the point where it would have been a good idea and would have made a lot of sense to get accustomed to using Git has long passed. So by starting now or in the future I would admit that I didn't take the hurdle when it would have been the right thing to do - when the best time to do so was near the present. I would admit to doing some things not the right way in the past if I would start to do them right from now on. It's easier to pretend that the way it always has been is the right way - the way I'm used to doing things.
That all makes no logical sense. It would be an improvement to start using Git for some things, be it coding projects, any category of texts that I have on my computers, any collection of files, ... The costs of these improvements would be hard disk space, which isn't all that rare for me nowadays and getting used to using Git, which isn't complicated.
So why don't I even try to use it in some cases? Well, I've just honestly told you my three reasons.
I don't know. I just kinda wanna have said this once.
I'm not creating a carefully outlined collection of blog posts worth reading here. I just make or edit an entry when I feel like it. About what I feel like
writing about at that moment. I decided that I don't want to let thoughts like the realisation that what I'm writing won't might not be interesting to
anybody or the apprehension that an unfinished, not proof read or evidently meaningless entry won't be of any use to anybody stop me from making an entry. This is
my space, I decide what I put here and I refuse to impose a standard on it. I may treat this like my diary with entries that will only be of value to me (or future
me) or share something that I actually find worth sharing or I might post something that I would never have thought I'd post here, before I did so.
I guess one way of saying what I want to say is: I know this is not the most interesting blog on the web. So what?
Sometimes I realise late that I'm interacting with a troll in an online forum, on Reddit or on a mailing list. For the type of trolls who delibertely try to confuse and seem to be sincere on the surface while following the goal of inducing frustration or otherwise spreading negativity, I have to give to them, that makes them good at what they are doing. But none the less it makes me feel bad all the more. Not much for wasting my time, but for being honest to them while they know they aren't honest to me. I feel betrayed when I conversed more than one or two messages long with a troll.
And that's what happened to me again today. I gave them the benefit of the doubt even after I realised that they had been given many chances to see they made a (simply and definitely provable) honest little mistake but didn't take a single of them, had not responded to a single direct question while constructing a kindly phrased little unrelated allegation out of nothing instead. After a few more messages with no progress I had enough and started to type my response to inform them that I'm not able (or willing? see next paragraph) to view their motivations as sincere. I felt a bit mad and that feeling became stronger the more I re-read what they had posted. But I wanted to make my final response complete and correct, so it seemed necessary to invest this emotion. And I did intend to make this my last post in the thread. I wanted them and maybe others who were still following the thread to know that I'm fooled no longer by this troll. I'm glad I realised that that was still feeding the troll and refuted what I was trying to convey before I submitted my post. I did the right thing by not continuing to give them a fulfilment of receiving any attention at all. But now this is an unclosed chapter in my mind. I'll call it unclosed memory so that I have a term (and category tag) in case I want to refer to similar experiences on this blog in the future. I guess that's the reason I'm making this entry. I did it, dear reader! I got out when I finally did realise what was going on.
I'm imposing this label "troll" on this person and even have a drawer in my mind for people who acted similarly in other threads that I've read in the past. But the thing is - and that's probably a banale thing to say for anybody who has done some thinking about online trolls before - I couldn't prove that they are, even given a perfect defitinion with clear criteria. I don't know their intentions. I want to feel a little bit proud for giving them the benefit of the doubt for longer than apparently any other participant in the thread. I believe that it is ususally the right thing to do to not assume malicious intentions in somebody's actions even after you had the realisation that that is a possibility. I want to be the person who assumes kindness or lack of knowledge before assuming bad intentions. But I'm still often very naive (mostly the kind of naive that makes me tell strangers my weaknesses, like being naive), even though that has changed a bit in some situations. But I always assumed I'm being made fun of or that people try to make me look like a fool rather soon. I think I can hardly know with sufficiant certainty whether that's the case in situations like the one described above. So I will feel unsure whether I made the right decision. (Not that I suspect it matters for this person's life in this case. But in principle.) Among the reasonable things to do with experiences like this I've marked "tell somebody about it" and "discard the memories of it by not trying to bring it up again unless it severly impacts my life" as good options. I've dine the former by writing this here. I'll go on to do the latter now.